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| Couples at loggerhead |
He/she is a cheat!
I can’t believe he/she could do such a thing!
I trusted him/her!
After all I have done to make her/him happy!
He/she promised not to break my heart!
On and on you go, weeping and ranting into the ears of all
who care to listen. Yet you don’t care to know “why” he or she broke the
promise.
Promises are meant to be fulfilled, but when the promise
maker doesn’t fulfill it, he/she loses the trust that was built overtime within
a split of second.
Whenever infidelity is mentioned in a relationship or
marriage, people direct their fingers at the male folks, believing they are the
perpetrators of such act, but I want to point out that women cheat likewise
men.
I use to believe that men are “born” cheats and they should
never be trusted. I had thought that only 10% of men are committed to one lady,
but my orientation changed when I found out that there are faithful men except
that the unfaithful ones are more in number.
But one wonders why do people cheat in their relationships
and in marriages despite all the “I promise not to cheat on you”, “you mean the
world to me” and so on and so forth sweet talks. There are still loopholes that
question the genuinety of all such promises of “forever togetherness”
Although these promises are not lies, they are true and mean
no harm, but when the promise maker gets to a dangerous crossroad, keeping the
promise becomes a hard nut to crack.
Just as Willard. F. Harley, a psychologist puts it: “marriage
is a complex relationship, perhaps the most intricate of them all.
Unfortunately most of us don’t know what we are getting into when we say “I
do”.
Relationships breakup and marriages fail when partners lack
the skill and ability to fulfill each other’s need.
Have you ever wondered why two lovers who are strongly
involved with one another, get married after courtship and all of a sudden
begin to fall out of love, and before you know it, the woman is nagging, the
man begins to look out and within few years, they are filling for divorce?
Take a time out to ask them what went wrong, the lady who was
head over heels in love may sound this way:
“I found out he was cheating on me”
“I can’t believe this was the man I use to know”
“God! Was I blind?”
“He is such an animal”
Then the angry man says:
“She is a foolish woman”
“I never knew she was like that”
“She doesn’t even care about how I feel”
“I regret crossing her path”.
These two failed in their relationship/marriage not because
they wanted to but because they couldn’t fulfill one another’s need. More often
than not, being right or wrong for someone depends not on some mysterious
compatibility quotient, but on how willing and able each partner meets the
other’s needs.
According to a psychologist, there are five different basic
needs of men and women in relationships/marriage:
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